Sexually explicit topics and links to sexually explicit websites feature in this post. This post is strictly for adults (and mature ones at that) only.
“Guys have ONE switch: ON/OFF. Women are like the cockpit of a 747.” – unknown
On this International Women’s Day Eve Eve, it’s time that the women of the world had a chance to shout out their need for more oral sex satisfaction of the decent variety. No more should we suffer silently as our lovers impart joyless foreplay in the form of random tongue darting, pointless male-porn-star-replicated tickle action, or generic vacuum-like sucking on random parts of non-sexual-nerve-enhanced genitalia until you feel like your insides are going to appear outside.
Girls want the hardcore, screaming orgasms that are only generated by men who really care. We want men who love to love what we love, and who listen when we’re not saying anything, because we’re either too shy or we’re too excited to form recognisable words.
It is my firm opinion that women love oral sex as much as men do. Men’s needs just seem to get more publicity…no further snarky comments needed here…because WE KNOW.
To get a good idea about what 21st century gals really want, I’ve conducted a random survey among my circle of minx’s. Well…to be honest, we all sat down over coffee and cake and talked bonking. I admit that my circle of friends is not a huge one but they come from all walks of life, cover several spiritual and ethnic backgrounds and span ages from 20-52. Quite a diverse bunch…and a pretty good reflection of what we might see in the general XX Australian population.
My completely, amazingly scientifically gathered findings include:
- Women are more shy at asking for what they want in sexual situations than their male partners
- When women ask for what they want sexually, they feel sluttish and/or fear rejection and ridicule
- Women are worried that they might smell/taste a bit strange or haven’t done enough lady-scaping to provide a comfortable oral experience for their partner
- Women feel under pressure to orgasm fast during oral sex and will often fake it because they assume their partner will get bored
- Women aren’t able/haven’t been able to orgasm during oral sex because their partner doesn’t spend enough time there/isn’t very good at it
- Women feel vulnerable and are unable to relax during oral sex
Interesting, isn’t it. I can’t say I’m surprised by any of the results. I’ve experienced totally similar feelings at some point in the past (note vagaries).
Really, in a nutshell, all of these problems can be resolved by communicating effectively. It helps to have an open, honest and loving relationship to be able to communicate effectively with your partner, especially in the horizontal hokey pokey arena. Even if we have that, sex brings the wondrous ego into play which can bench the honesty and openness temporarily.
The joys of the complexity of the human condition.
Let’s say your man is happy to go down to between-legs- heaven, but you’re just not experiencing bells and whistles. Try directing him by positive reinforcement during the actual hot and sweaty session (yes, just like a puppy… but don’t give your man food rewards until he’s finished the job).
You don’t need to go overboard with the positive reinforcement; just a little verbal appreciation will do, or if you don’t want to do that, make a more excited noise/squeak/moan (insert appropriate sexually appreciative noise here) to show him he’s humming the right tune. It’s really not that hard to let him know whether it’s sizzling for you or not…he’s going to be paying some serious attention if you’ve let him know that it’s important to you.
So, we’ve ascertained what we already knew -
a) That women love cunnilingus as much as men love fellatio (couple of fab keywords there)
b) That if you communicate effectively then you are more likely to get more of what you want in the way you wish to receive it
But…what if your man just refuses to do it or shows no inclination to attempt it. Well, Goddess help you sister…go visit SexyLand and buy yourself a packet of rechargeable AA batteries and a top of the range Rabbit.
On a serious note, I’m going to head back to what is blatantly obvious. Talk to your lover. Ask him why he won’t fulfil your desires. I’m not saying he has to, because we all have choices, don’t we? But wouldn’t you like to know? Especially if it’s something you can rectify.
Take your “Viva Le Vulva” (fab quote from www.lemondrop.com) power back and demand, gently, to know why he won’t play the way you desire him to. Doesn’t he like the smell/taste? Doesn’t he like wading through the furry jungle? Or, ego’s forbid, doesn’t he know what to do?!?
If the hair is the problem, do some repairs and wax yourself a landing strip. If it’s the smell/taste, shower just before you get sweaty with your beau, and remember that men can smell and taste just as weird and challenging as we do. Take notice of your cycle too as this can change the flavour. If the problem is that your gorgeous, beautiful man just doesn’t know how to dive on in, practice, practice, practice. Chances are that you may not know what you like as well. Take it as a challenge. But, do not, do NOT watch porn to get ideas.
The huge problem with getting a man who hasn’t yet mastered the art of practicing perfect oral pleasure is that most of them have learned what to do, or what they think they should be doing, by watching porn flicks. Let’s face it, porn, in all its forms, can be ‘useful’, but it is an awful how-to teacher in the laws of great oral sex (and what is considered attractive in the wardrobe department, not to mention the appalling array of totally unsexy music – but that’s just my opinion).
Cunninlingus is shot in porn movies purely to achieve a great camera angle and to titilate the viewer. It’s not done to get the girl off and if done properly, the camera angle would suck (ermmm) completely. So, please refrain from getting your man to watch and learn from the WRONG porn flick. In this case, switch off to be switched on.
Having said that, there’s a rather explicit (yes, it’s instructional porn essentially) video, featuring several porn stars and Jack Lawrence (master of being cunning linguistically on every level you can think of), which could be phenomenally helpful. Jack Lawrence (skip to 22:27 – best bits) knows more about female anatomy than I do and he is very happy to share his knowledge. It’s free to view because it’s from a reputable porn streaming site. Of course, this site is strictly adults only.
Personally I spent so much of my life not asking for what I wanted. This equated to me not getting what much of what I wanted until I learned to ask, and that it was fine to do so. Women do this constantly. Many women, and men, are inherently givers, especially if you’ve been raised to please your partner first, and yourself last, both inside and outside of the bedroom. Sex is neither about giving or taking but about the harmony of both…okay, that sounded horribly cheesy, but you know what I mean.
My other recommendation, outside of watching an instructional porn video and communicating, is to buy your man a pressy.
International Women’s Day is on Friday. If International Women’s Day isn’t the one day where we can claim the right to be powerfully female, then I don’t know when it is okay to do so.
I love it for the title and the fruit symbology. The content is pretty good too. You can buy it through Amazon (I bought it as an Ipad Kindle download for less than $10 AUS). To buy it as an MP3 file, and find out more about the book and the author, Ian Kerner, you can visit iamplify.
She Comes First – couldn’t have said it better. Should be true in every way.
Note: Angelica Minx didn’t receive any sponsorship, payment or any other form of compensation for this blog post. She wrote it because she believes women everywhere should get what they desire just because women are fabulous. Men are pretty good too.
Second interesting note – The original version of this post was published on October 4, 2011 when my bannerhead read “Angelica Minx:The Compendium of Burlesque Tease, Vintage Allure and Pin Up Raunch”. How things have changed. When I enrolled back at uni to retrain as a primary teacher, I decided to delete/unpublish/bury all of my raunchy posts. I didn’t think it appropriate. Seriously, what a wank. So, I’ve updated them, revamped them and I’m going to roll them all out again one by one. Screw it all. We’re all adults here. We all know adults have sex. Only on birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas of course.